Was it JEE or something else???

IIT JEE!! (Indian Institute of Technology Joint Entrance Examination) the examination (if just merely put) which changed my life forever. Obviously this is something which is the story of every IITian but as aptly said the path turns out to be more important than the destination itself and in this path I found two people who redefined my life. I wonder if they weren’t there would JEE preparation be as meaningful as it is now? Would I be able to acquire that intelligence the way I did when I was with them? Would I be filled with that healthy competition which made them an enemy in the class and the best friends the moment we stepped outside? Would those arguments about science and life have ever taken place? Would that saving seat in the first bench make sense without them? Would it? I know it wouldn’t!

Gourav Khullar and Shibani Santurkar- the two smarty pants who’ve contributed so much in making me…ME! Yes! Smarty pants I used rather than using words like “best” or “awesome” because that was my first impression about them and it’s become stronger and nothing less. And, yeah guys don’t get freaked out that I am publically writing about you and shit. Of course Gourav I won’t mention that you cry and whine on everything-Rotlu sala-(cranky baby) and of course Shibu I won’t mention that you’re so in love with Tiger (bwahahaha)

So anyways I won’t get personal here. I just write this blog to mention about this composition of mine which is personally my favourite one. All my compositions are inspired by someone or something or driven by a very strong feeling. This composition had all the three ingredients in it. Someone was obviously these two, something was JEE and the strong feeling…you will eventually realize. After JEE was done it was a time of wow wonder and celebrations. We had of course realized that we will clear JEE well before we even gave the exam. The question was how would we fair in it? The AIR’s (All India Ranks)!! With all the fun and timepass in that sudden void which was created after JEE was over the day of the results slowly approached. My fingers are involuntarily typing so many things which are getting personal but I am constantly pressing backspace. I just want to stick to the composition. So, the results were online and it wasn’t too late for us to realize that we weren’t going to be together. Our AIR’s and our ambitions did coincide with each other to get us a place in the IITs to do what we want but well….not the same IIT. We were definitely overwhelmed by the fact that we all cleared JEE and proved it to ourselves those many things we had to prove but with all that happiness there was still that pinch which deeply troubled me and I know it pinched them too . I was not going to be with them! The dream which we’d dreamed together was not going to be lived together after all. Well, I tell Gourav to be the Rotlu but he’d called me the Chief of the crying brigade and it turned out to be true. I hadn’t imagined that such a thing would happen and was very very sad. That’s the time when I decided to pen down a song which would remind them of me and stay with them forever. It took me 7 minutes to write this song and 20 minutes to stop crying the way I’d probably cried in Taare Zameen Par (hindi movie). I guess I’d called Shibu as soon as I made this song and with the change in her voice itself I realized how touching it was. I presented it to them on the last day when each of us was leaving for our destination. I’d given Shibu a mug with our picture on it and so the exclusive gift of this song as a CD went to Gourav and damn it was sentimental on the day Gourav left. Phew! I so want to write so many things! They are reaching till my fingers and I am abstaining from it. Well in the end it wasn’t those 6 hours of JEE which I remember so much, they went in a flash of a second, it’s those two years with these two idiots who made those 6 hours pass so easily for me...so it was that one lucky decision to give JEE which gifted me something which is priceless just like IITG....

tu jahan rahe

jaise bhi rahe

meri dua...tere saath hai [2]

kaise shukr karun uper wale ka...

jisne banaya tera dil sone ka...

ab toh bas yaadein hai..

teri baatein hai..

jo haii mere saath main...

tu jahan rahe

jaise bhi rahe

meri dua...tere saath hai [2]

kaise bana tu mera dost...

bhul ke bhi bhul na paayun aisa dost...

ek wada raha

dil se dil ki wafaa

rahegi tere..... pyaar se....

tu jahan rahe jaise bhi rahe meri dua tere saath hai....

Its AAA...The Time Circle....(Part#6)

….I guess one’s ability to lead a compartmentalized life is one of the finest ways of maintaining balance in your life as a whole. Beware! Compartmentalizing your life doesn’t mean becoming cold, robotic or any of such sorts. It’s basically realizing the nature of everything associated with you and your life. This is one of the toughest things to do as a human. It’s more of a psychological and a mental exercise.


Keeping yourself in hypocrisy is the easiest way “out” of the problem. Ever wondered why? Because, in this case ignorance does turn out to be bliss. Not thinking about the problem and pacifying yourself by saying “ jo hoga dekha jayega” (Language: Hindi , Meaning: Whatever happens I will worry about it later) can help you sometimes. But, the problem is what if it doesn’t turn out to be bliss? What if with time the situation becomes worse?  The truth is sometimes we are so lazy/frustrated we don’t even care about ourselves. Because of this the people who care enough for you are the ones who suffer. How can one survive on the fact that the very few people who actually love you unconditionally are the ones you are hurting? That these people live their lives partially as your life isn’t heading anywhere? The point is, having compassion and love is very essential before even thinking about going for a compartmentalized life. I had to abruptly bring these questions before even explaining the meaning of compartmentalization, because I am sure that many can misunderstand this as becoming cold or numb. 


So, what is compartmentalization? To define it would be difficult. But as I said its, put simply, understanding the nature of everything associated with you and your life. Now, I want you to visualize the problem graphically to understand the following part. Try to put everything and every person associated in your life into intellectual, physical, materialistic, social, professional or personal circle. Now definitely there will some part of every circle overlapping with other and some part independently existing. In my previous blog I had mentioned an example of the simplest problem which occurs in everyone’s life but had not addressed it, the problem of “a new relationship which is demanding time and attention but leading to compromise in the existing ones”. The very first thing in terms of compartmentalization is to understand that this problem is “natural” meaning that it had to occur and will continue to. Secondly, you have to understand which relations you are talking about. The circle in which the new relation falls and the existing facets of your life which are being affected. This might be a little vague so let me take the previous example more clearly. Let’s say one has got committed recently and is realizing that he/she is not able to cope up with relation unless he/she dedicates more time by compromising on his/her existing tasks. Here you have to understand that the new relation falls under the “personal” category. This might sound very obvious but trust me it’s like proving in mathematics. You think the arguments are obvious but it’s just very difficult to think about when you are given the actual problem. 


So, after having understood its personal you have to know what circle/circles it’s affecting. This is the place where everyone’s problem becomes different. It will be very interesting for you to know that if you take the above example in general you will be able to think of ample examples of how a new personal relation can affect all the other circles including the personal circle. Now, after realizing the “nature” of the problem as whole which is nothing but the previous two “steps” you can actually start to solve this issue. The crux of the solution is to try and let only the personal circle be affected/adjusted because of this new “personal” relation. The overlapped region has contribution from both (or more) circles which is the real problem. Here instead of letting these overlapped circles get affected “create” (actually realize) a new circle which is the Time circle. 


This circle is like the boundary of your life encompassing all the circles discussed previously. Now, with this bigger picture try and realize how much time you devote to every circle. There will be plenty of voids that you will realize plus there will be plenty of those regions in the “personal” circle which aren’t a priority at all. Now with all these “realizations” (I “realized” I’m using “realize” a lot :P) you have to prioritize and decide whether the problem you face is worth so much time and energy on the expense of your previous circles. If not then perhaps you are not ready for the inclusion of this new facet or it is not worth it. If yes, then you will definitely find your answer by rigorously searching within your own time circle. But what about those who are forced to include some new relations against their choice?...

Its AAA...With uncertainty..can balance exist?? ...(part#5)

…(continued)….well I guess this is one issue over which people have spent a major portion of their time, energy and even money. Balance! A natural phenomenon, totally unnatural for us. The question is HOW? How can one maintain a balance? And balance between? Well if you have been following my blog I guess answer to the latter will definitely be known to you. To the rest I can say read the previous parts first. Anyway, this question is too serious to incorporate a lighter note. Let’s take an example- a new relationship which is demanding time and attention but leading to compromise in the existing ones. How can one maintain equilibrium? Let me be a little scientific here. One must realize the nature of this equilibrium. It’s unstable. Even if a person is successful in achieving a balance in his/her life doesn’t mean his/her job is done. Vigilance is the key to a smooth life. 


Of course certain things are unforeseen but here we can’t really do anything as it cannot fall under awareness at all. Unforeseen circumstances can lead to disruption and again the question is how should we “restore” equilibrium? So, vigilance isn’t enough. Then some come up with discipline. This is relatively far better than just being vigilant but again doesn’t help completely. Being sincere, disciplined and dedicative are qualities incorporated in your professional life. What about the other facets? What about intellectual, physical, materialistic, social or personal states? Yes, one might be able to include sincerity in intellectual, physical and even materialistic states, agreed, but what about social and personal states? Is sincerity and discipline enough to have a balanced personal and social life? 


Many think that completeness of the answer is not possible to such a question but I beg to differ. I guess one’s ability to lead a compartmentalized life is one of the finest ways of maintaining balance in your life as a whole. Beware! Compartmentalizing your life doesn’t mean becoming cold, robotic or any of such sorts. It’s basically realizing the nature of everything associated with you and your life. Realizing the “nature”? Well this has wide range of possible answers. For example understanding the very nature of balance is very important before even thinking about achieving it. The balance I mentioned earlier is/was unstable in nature. Similarly realizing the nature of every problem and situation can automatically lead to answers. I had mentioned in one of the previous blogs Knowledge is never absolute only provisional. Similarly here trying to understand “nature” is like trying to visualize the bigger picture. It will help you reveal the “greater truth” but it’s like infinity. You reach a particular stage but your quest never stops. So what do I mean by compartmentalization? And even if one assumes it, how to go about this?.....(to be continued)

Its all about the attitude....Exponential Rise...(part#4)

…(continued)….This phase is actually the oxygen which drives the world towards betterment. It is imagined by everyone whether or not they do anything about it. It’s a pleasure experienced by people either through their own lives or they derive it by perceiving others. Perception (here) in the philosophical sense of gaining knowledge through your senses or reliable sources like a book etc. The addictive nature of this phase is the very reason I named it so. The taste of success is one major reason for such an addiction. The self-confidence and happiness levels are boosted far beyond imagination and then “there is no looking back”. The world has to finally shut its mouth, like it or not, as it only sees the end result. Ironically during this phase it so happens that the world becomes very interested in the path followed by these winners. 


The feeling of finally achieving your dream brings immense satisfaction and peace. The strength and support given by the world, fake or real, adds to the pillars of confidence which were already set by you and maybe your loved ones. There is a different glow on the face which automatically makes you outstanding in the crowd. No matter however fake, harsh, cruel or cold the world might have been to you, it all becomes insignificant in no time. 

Another possible reason for this exponential rise is because of fear. With power, position and reputation comes the fear of losing it. This again turns out to be a very good driving force but is a very dangerous tool. If one doesn’t know how to use it, its effects can be blown out of proportion. Yeah there is slight ambiguity on how to “use” fear. Basically it the awareness of being afraid and accepting that fact which is nothing but using fear to your advantage. The other side of the coin is exponential decline because of the inability to handle success. Well, I guess I’ve stretched too far with that. As for now with success or even in the attempt of trying to be successful how can one maintain a balance? Balance here has a versatile context. Refer to my previous blog regarding our idols and inspiration where I mentioned about intellectual, physical, materialistic, social or personal state. Balance therefore precisely refers to these states. So, in the attempt of trying to achieve how can one maintain this balance??....(to be continued)… 

Its all about the attitude....Procrastination...(part#3)

......(continued)...I am sure majority of us have felt this at some point or the other. I should mention it from before that the matter which follows is based on my perspective and can have numerous outlooks but as for me this is my greater truth provisionally lurking with me until I find something better. 


So, what about those people who think they are trying but aren’t going anywhere? Well here I feel that expectation plays a major role in stinting the time we actually give to our aims and ambitions. Imagining success is a good thing but expecting it to turn into reality in a day, month, year or years ultimately retards your speed rather than expedite the process. Patience is really important. While reading these few lines you might feel it to be very theoretical but it definitely has its meaning when you apply it. Endurance in the toughest times is very difficult. Applying these virtues isn’t a cakewalk. You have to be very clear headed about your priorities and it should reflect in you involuntarily. 


Yes! Involuntary is the word. First you have to voluntarily imbibe the act of not giving a damn and sticking to your highest priority come what may. This I believe is the most challenging and life changing experience. You will be mocked, punished, troubled, left alone and hell! It continues. The world just wants you to shake on anyone of them. The majority falters here. The Reason? Well you need to go the previous lines -“clear headed about your priorities”. Procrastination is one of the examples. You need to take a lot of care while taking these first few steps otherwise remorse follows in a natural succession. I have never wanted to repent my decisions but as human as I can be in some cases I had to. It is but obvious isn’t it? There is never an absolute certainty about anything but by being clear headed, definitely increases your chances to a very great extent to accomplish your dreams. So, during that phase of voluntary engagement your will power, determination, self-confidence all will be challenged every moment, you will feel their levels fluctuating all the time. If you are able to make that as a kick for yourself naturally your body and more importantly your mind and consciousness will make it involuntary. That’s when you reach the next phase which I call it as the “exponential rise”…..(to be continued) 

Its all about the attitude....Our idols and inspiration...(part#2)

....(continued)....and what next? We take the help of the placebo TIME. Time isn’t always the answer you know. It’s actually keeping your problems on hold for just a very long period of time until we forget those minor details which stirred our minds and body into weariness and trouble. Can you live with this hypocrisy? In some cases you have to. Some of us may be too rigid to agree but well that’s the truth. Again! Not absolute but provisional. 


On the other hand those of you are able to fight this and come up with an elegant solution which keeps you at peace it is your greater truth and you have won in a true sense. Then, the majority simply follows these few. Isn’t it the case? Where our heroes and idols have the perfect solutions to problems which we couldn’t ever figure out. Basically, we were physically and intellectually too lazy to find answers for our own self. It’s all about the attitude folks and of course our actions which follow them. Just simply having the attitude also isn’t going to work. It places you better than those who don’t have it at all but it does no good.


To be true everyone has the attitude. In this context it means to be in a better state be it intellectual, physical, materialistic, social or personal. You will be surprised to know how the former sentence encompasses everyone’s life. Not more or less, it precisely does. It’s just that some of us do nothing, many of us do something and very very few of us do everything possible. It will fascinate you to know that I started with a social problem and currently I’m discussing about success in general. Truly it is amazing how our social life can drive our goals, aims and ambitions to proportions we couldn’t ever imagine. Obviously there are many of our heroes who didn’t have a social life at all but here I can be safe again by mentioning for the third time…not absolute but provisional. But what if someone says he/she has the attitude and IS doing a lot about it but feels isn’t going anywhere? Not even a bit?......(to be continued)

It’s all about the Attitude..Introduction..(part#1)

At some point or the other in life many of us have felt the unnecessary time and energy spent by us on so many people or situations which at the end either we found a partial closure to or we just left it unattended as it seemed to be a dead end. In either of the case no one can ever assume it be deleted or removed completely from their lives. It’s just like the difference between wounds and scars. Wounds heal but scars remain. In such situations people seem to be lost in an infinite loop of constant reminding themselves about the dead end and then having encounters with ghost of the past ultimately leading to again a waste of time and energy (of course money in some cases as well). It’s like being alone in a dark room, shouting out loud “What should I do?” and there is no one to listen. 


And then we are ready to listen to anyone and anything. Try the most illogical and non-sense methods which we condemned once, just to find an answer. To satisfy ourselves with some reason which might be enough to spend the remaining breaths peacefully. In the end, we always look at ourselves and probably shed a tear or two in the memory of who we used to be and what the present offers us. This either fills us with depression or rage but a very few times with motivation or optimism. The question I ask is why so? Just because the negative encounter has revealed its climax upon us, is there no way for us to fight it? I believe there are very few things in this world about which we can be absolutely certain about. Be careful I mentioned things not people. None can ever be certain about anyone else. So, one cannot say that there is no way out, there always is. 


It’s all about your attitude which includes your point of view, your principles (if you have any and there is nothing wrong about not having one), your previous experiences and your maturity. Sometimes having one of these also turns out to be a problem. We imagine it not to be and wonder how easy it would have been to make a choice. The point is, do not let yourself wander in a dreamland imagining things to be perfect. Always be ready to accept the “greater” truth as knowledge is only provisional not absolute. The immediate question is what is “greater”? I believe this is more of a personal quest than general. It makes us who we are, how we act and what we believe. As soon as we start resisting against such conclusions or “greater” truth is when we say there is no way out. It’s after that when a feeling of hopelessness fills our heart with darkness....(to be continued...)

Mumma...dedicated my loving mom...*i miss u* [language:HINDI]

ohh mumma tu haii kahaan
pyaari mumma tu hai kahaan meri mummma....

roz jab ye aankhein khulti hai
teri pyar bhari bahon ko dhundti hai
uss meethe se awaaz ko sunna hai
mumma paanch minute aur sona hai

inn duniya ke ussoolon ko nahi maan na
tu aja pyaari mumma...tu meri duniya....
ohh mumma tu haii kahaan
pyaari mumma tu hai kahaan meri mummma....

jab bhi kuch accha nahi lagta hai
tere chehre ko soch kar chain aata hai
der raat ko jab bohot bhuk lagti hai
tere pyaare haathon ki bohot yaad aati hai

main accha reh raha hu..fikar tu mat kar maa
tera raaj dulaara hoon...fakhar se rehna maa...
ohh mumma tu haii kahaan
pyaari mumma tu hai kahaan meri mummma....

tu sach hee kehti thi...teri yaad ayegi
sab aise aise karna tu samjha ti thi..
jab kapade almaari main kho jaate hai..
teri mehnat ko yaad karke..aakhein ro jaati hai

iss der main bhi khair...zaroor hogi..
main jitna bada ho jaun..tu waisi hee hogi
ohh mumma tu haii kahaan
pyaari mumma tu hai kahaan meri mummma....

ohh mumma tu haii kahaan
pyaari mumma tu hai kahaan meri mummma....

Love is priceless....but it costed me!

hey! old love..do you remember me?

do you remember those times and how it used to be?

i know you've moved on and it doesnt matter anymore

and i just stare at the horizon waiting ashore...

Its fresh what you did...these wounds will never heal

it gave these ugly scars...i wish you knew how it feels..

now its just hard to believe..

that love is priceless...coz it costed me!

I practice everyday... those rude things i should say...

but when i think of you...tears just flow away..

i wanna scream at you...my rage has no bound

Oh its my heart.....not a play ground!

Its fresh what you did...these wounds will never heal

it gave these ugly scars...i wish you knew how it feels..

now its just hard to believe..

that love is priceless...coz it costed me!

how easy for you to say i wont understand...

those perfect agruments that i'm in a dreamland

but let me tell you unlike you ive never whined

i loved u with my heart...let it be..never mind!

Its fresh what you did...these wounds will never heal

it gave these ugly scars...i wish you knew how it feels..

now its just hard to believe..

that love is priceless...coz it costed me!